lilmissmagic71 (lilmissmagic71) wrote,

LJIdol 10: Topic 19: Invitation

I suppose you're all wondering why I invited you here.

I figured the only way to get this done was to call this meeting, so never let it be said that I'm afraid to confront my feelings. That's the reason for this gathering. I need to say my piece so y'all can just grab a drink, have a seat and hear me out. You belong to me, so you damn well better listen this time.

Let's just start this ball rolling by addressing the elephant in the room. I'm sure you have all noticed that lately I seem to be... losing control of my management position. Let me assure you that it's not for lack of trying. For some reason, possibly trying times, maybe a bit of aging thrown in... I seem to have lost the ability to give a...

What's that, Propriety? Oh, yes, I'm sorry. What I mean to say is... I am less inclined to worry about what others might think of my emotional displays and therefore have been less than careful in where and how I show you all off to the world. That said, let's get to these evaluations and suggestions and perhaps you won't all have to worry for me so much.

Empathy, I love you. You know that I do. You have made my life easier in so many ways. You've made it possible for me to be careful of others feelings and to raise my boys in a loving and tuned-in fashion. You have given me insight into the world that many people do not enjoy. I am hooked into the live wires of the human condition and WOW! It's pretty intense. SO intense. Like... WAY TOO INTENSE. Can we perhaps dial it back a notch? I mean, I'm all for 'understanding' people, but it's exhausting to just KNOW things by turning on to a person. I can feel all their pain, their suffering, their hopes, their losses... I can't watch a friggin Audi commercial without bursting into tears. It's bad enough that I suffer wanting to absorb all the hurt for my boys, but the whole world? Every little old person who is obviously alone, every disaffected youth I encounter, every woman I see shrink from the world in fear... you know I can't heal them all... so could I maybe just not feel their pain so acutely? Thanks.

Anger... maybe I shouldn't have seated you so near Doubt, Jealousy, Shame and Fear. You all seem to pal around together so often, I guess it was just habit. Thing is... I think I'd like to let the lot of you go. Oh sure, every now and then, a little Fear is healthy I suppose and maybe even a bit of Anger, but your shtick is getting really old. I'm tired of your shit, so give it a rest. I know I'm not inadequate, I know I try my best... I know there aren't Bad Things just lurking around corners waiting to pounce. I also know that I don't hate as many people as you tempt me to... so yeah, let's just give it a bit of a pass, what say?

Sadness, Grief, Guilt, Melancholy... You have your places in this dynamic, I assure you. As long as you don't try to take over, I will always give you your due. It's just that, sometimes, it feels as if you are sapping all of my resources just to feed your low burning fires, and I just can't have that. I'm sorry. You have your places and I honor them. Now, step back and let me have the reins... make some room for the others... everyone at Table Three! If I can address you as a whole for a minute... Enthusiasm, Energy, Creativity, Motivation and Willpower... Where the bloody hell have you all been? I've been drowning over here and I could sure use a hand. You promised me when I was younger that you were inexhaustible, and now that I really have needed you, you've dribbled in your help as if it were some precious and rare commodity. COME ON! Give me some help... a lifeline... I need you. Please, come back and I will nurture and appreciate you every day. I promise. We can take on the world if we just pull together!

Shut up, Cynicism! I didn't even invite you. Don't make me have you removed!

Pragmatism, I'd like to introduce you to Trust, Hope, Bravery and Common Sense. I feel as if my life would improve greatly if y'all could work TOGETHER as opposed to just popping 'round when you want to be heard. Perhaps a concerted, constant effort to 'trust but verify' should be a new policy. We can hash out the details later, but basically, I'd like to see us with more people on the 'ok' list and fewer reasons to ask 'Paranoia' in to vet new folks.

I would be remiss if I didn't make a few thank yous, too, I suppose. Love, you are always surprising me with new ways to enjoy this life, so I am deeply indebted to your wisdom. Generosity, I can't tell you how much you have given me, ironic as that sounds. By teaching me to give, you have gifted me beyond measure. Kindness and Compassion, I reach for you every day. I need you and your service is invaluable. Intellect, even when you think a bit too much of yourself, you serve me so willingly and so faithfully that I have been enriched to my very core. Lastly, a humble and inadequate thank you to Humor. I would have surely succumbed and given in without your constant reminders to smile and laugh and feel your spirit living in me always.

A couple of announcements before we go... I have made yet another attempt to embrace Forgiveness, both for myself and others. I know most of you have been extolling the virtues of doing so, and I am making a valiant effort... but I ask for your patience. It's a hard road. Speaking of, if anyone sees Patience, please pass along the reminder that I am a bit crazed at going without contact.

Lastly, I'd like to thank you all for accepting this invitation and listening so intently to my ramblings. We're all in this together and there's only one lifetime to get it right. Let's put out our best, shall we?

Drink up. Bar is open.

Tags: ljidol10
  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded